Next Friday, we enter the Jewish month of Elul, the final month of the Jewish year.
Before we enter 5787, Judaism asks us to pause.
Not simply to ask whether this was a “good year” or a “bad year,” but to look honestly at the lives we have been living. What brought us joy? Where did we struggle? Whom did we help? Whom did we hurt? What have we been avoiding? What needs to change?
Our tradition calls this process Cheshbon HaNefesh—an accounting of the soul.
Below is the “Cheshbon HaNefesh: End-of-the-Year Exam” that I revise and share each year. Many of you have taken it before, but remember: some of the questions may remain the same while your answers change. You are not the same person you were a year ago.
Try to answer these questions before Rosh Hashanah begins on the evening of Friday, September 11. Your answers are yours alone. You do not need to share them with anyone.
Be honest, but also be gentle with yourself. Celebrate what deserves to be celebrated. Repair what can still be repaired. Release what needs to be released. Then choose one or two concrete ways to grow in the year ahead.
Give yourself the spiritual gift of paying attention.
As you begin this process of reflection, please make plans to join us for this year’s Elul Project, beginning next Friday. Together, we will explore what it means to awaken, find our courage and enter the new year ready to say, Hineni—Here I am.
Look for full details in this week’s Wrapping Up the Week.
CHESHBON HANEFESH: THE EXAM
1. Have you taken care of yourself this year?
Have you cared for your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being? Did you visit the doctor, move your body, eat thoughtfully, rest and make space to breathe? Where have you neglected yourself, and what might you do differently next year?
2. Have you taken care of the important people in your life?
How have you treated your spouse or partner, children, parents, siblings, friends, relatives and colleagues? Which relationships have grown stronger? Which need greater attention, honesty or repair?
3. Do you owe anyone an apology?
Whom have you hurt through something you said, something you did or something you failed to do? What is keeping you from apologizing? When will you reach out?
4. Have you refused to accept a sincere apology?
Are you holding on to anger that is no longer protecting you but poisoning you? Is there a difference between maintaining a necessary boundary and refusing to let go?
5. Have you been financially responsible?
Have your spending, saving and giving reflected your priorities and values? What financial habit would you like to change?
6. What was your greatest weakness or recurring struggle this year?
When did it appear? What fed it? What support, discipline or change might help you confront it?
7. Most of the time, I feel ____________________.
Do you like your answer? What contributes to that feeling? What might help you experience the coming year differently?
8. What do you regret most about this year?
Can anything still be repaired? What lesson can you carry forward so that the same regret does not follow you into another year?
9. What was your greatest accomplishment this year?
Have you allowed yourself to feel proud of it? Do you accept praise and recognize your own goodness, or are you too quick to dismiss what you have achieved?
10. What are you afraid of?
Has fear protected you, limited you or both? What is one courageous step you can take despite that fear?
11. What unfinished business needs your attention?
What conversation, decision, task or responsibility have you continued to postpone? What is your plan for addressing it?
12. How have you expressed gratitude this year?
Who helped you, encouraged you, loved you or stood beside you? Is there someone you need to thank before the year ends?
13. Overall, are you satisfied with the life you are living?
What feels meaningful and life-giving? What feels empty or out of alignment? Identify three specific changes you can begin making.
14. How have you helped others?
Have you given tzedakah, volunteered your time or supported a cause that matters to you? Does your calendar—and not only your heart—reflect your concern for others?
15. Have you made time to explore your spirituality?
What experiences brought you wonder, meaning, connection or peace? What have you learned about your soul?
16. How do you feel about God?
Close? Distant? Grateful? Doubtful? Indifferent? Confused? Are you comfortable with your answer? What might help you deepen or reconsider that relationship?
17. Have you been angry with God this year?
Have you expressed that anger honestly? Remember: wrestling with God is not the opposite of faith. It is part of our people’s sacred tradition.
18. Have you prayed, meditated or practiced being fully present?
What has helped you slow down and connect more deeply with yourself, with others and with the world around you? What practice would you like to develop?
19. Has your phone or social media taken up too much space in your life?
Have you become a doom-scroller? Has being constantly connected left you less connected to the people actually around you? What boundary could you establish?
20. Have you only complained about the state of the world, or have you taken meaningful action?
Where have you used your voice, your vote, your time or your resources to bring about change?
21. During this extraordinarily difficult time, what have you done to strengthen the Jewish people?
Have you shown up, spoken up, learned, supported Jewish institutions, helped Israel, confronted antisemitism or strengthened Jewish community? Where are you being called to say, Hineni—Here I am?
22. Where have you made yourself smaller this year?
When did you remain silent, hide your convictions or doubt your own worth? What would it mean to enter the new year with greater courage?
23. What is one thing you want to accomplish in 5787?
Be specific. Why does it matter? What is the first step? When will you take it, and who can help hold you accountable?
24. What else does your soul need you to acknowledge before the year ends?
There are no grades and no perfect answers. The purpose of this examination is not to leave us feeling guilty or inadequate. Its purpose is to help us awaken—to who we have been, to who we are and to who we still have the capacity to become.
Embrace what is good. Repair what is broken. Forgive yourself for being human. Then enter the new year ready to grow.
And if you would like help answering these questions, making a change or finding a path forward, let’s talk.
Shabbat Shalom
Leave a Reply