This week, I joined my first gathering of the inaugural rabbinic cohort of Resetting the Table — a national organization dedicated to restoring civil discourse to our dinner tables, workplaces, town squares, and places of worship, with the goal of creating a truly shared society.
Jewish tradition teaches that disagreement — even intense disagreement — is a natural part of life. It’s how we grow, both as individuals and as a community. Disagreement isn’t something to run from; we can’t avoid it, and it’s integral to who we are. As the rabbis teach: “Every argument that is for the sake of Heaven is destined to endure.” (Pirkei Avot 5:17)
Each of us invited into this cohort has committed to training as a facilitator of charged conversations — learning how to help communities like ours at RSBI talk, really talk, across lines of deep disagreement.
I’ll be sharing updates as I go through this training, because soon I’ll be bringing what I learn home to RSBI — inviting you to take part in some challenging but much-needed conversations. Stay tuned!
At our first session earlier this week, we explored what may be the most essential skill in any difficult conversation: deep listening. The kind of listening that lets the speaker — not the listener — lead. It means being willing to follow someone else’s story, even when you strongly disagree with them. It’s not always comfortable — but it’s essential to civility.
We learned to listen for signposts — words, phrases, or moments that carry more meaning than what’s on the surface. During our exercises, when we noticed a signpost, we were encouraged to name it and simply ask, “What does that mean to you?” or “Why does that matter?”
In doing so, we discovered something powerful. For those speaking, it felt disarming — in the best way — to be fully heard. For those listening, it opened doors to deeper understanding, compassion, and connection — even with people we might strongly disagree with.
In our very divided society, we need to learn not to run from disagreement but to embrace it — and to work to bring us closer to one another. This is how it begins: by truly listening and setting the stage for deep, respectful conversation.
My homework this week is to keep listening for signposts and reflecting them back in my conversations — hoping to learn more about the people I engage with. I invite you to try it, too: listen deeply to the people you share your life with, pay attention to the signposts, and when they’re done speaking, gently ask what one of those signposts means. You might be surprised by what you hear — and by what you learn.
Let us continue to hold the families of the hostages who have not yet been returned to Israel in our hearts and prayers, as we hope — beyond hope — that the fragile ceasefire grows stronger with each passing day.
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